IPL Fantasy Team

Well, the IPL is surely heating up…. I was hoping that Mumbai Indians will at least make semis but that didn’t happen.. But watching the owners of IPL teams praying for their respective teams and jumping up and down at every given opportunity made me think “What if I owned an IPL franchise?”, “Which players will I select for my team?” and various other things. Now buying an IPL team will be a costly affair. So I decided to buy an IPL team in partnership with Liana and Nisha..2 of my very good friends..

This is what we decided: In a role reversal of sorts, the players will be selected by the girls and I will take care of everything apart from that. So here’s the girl’s wish list for our IPL team:

1) Shane Watson: The Aussie All-rounder was the joint first pick. He was deemed to be really cute by the girls. No matter that he’s injured most of the time but I think that would work out really well for Liana. You see, there will be a clause in his contract that will make it mandatory for him to go out with Liana, so if he is injured all the time, he will have more time to spend with her. So Cheers, Liana, this one’s for you.

2) Brett Lee: The Aussie makes it to the team as a joint first pick. He bowls quick and bats well low down the order but what made him as a joint first pick were his “cute” looks as Nisha puts it. Now his contract will have a clause which will make necessary for him to go out with Nisha. So Cheers, Nisha, this one’s for you.

3) Irfan Pathan: Though he can’t swing the ball anymore and can’t bat as he used to, but the all-rounder has what it takes to make it to the team-his looks. I have no idea whether he’s cute or not, but as far as cricketing skills go his brother would have been a better pick.

4) M.S.Dhoni: Captain Cool will captain our champion side. The guy from Ranchi born with a calm head, lucky stars and “good look” will be an asset to our team.

5) Ricky Ponting: Now I don’t like Ricky Ponting for various reasons( The innings he played against India in World Cup 2003 finals still hurts ), but Liana was adamant on having him in the team so I think he ranks high on the “cuteness” scale.

6) Daniel Vettori: The NZ skipper will also be on our payrolls. Now the girls find him cute but manan finds his glasses awesome. Maybe he has a thing for his glasses.. who knows?! So Cheers, Manan, this one’s for you.

7) Brendon McCullum: Now you might say “why two keepers in the same team?”….but come on….according to the girls “he got awesome tattoos”….well I suppose that’s reason enough for his selection apart from the fact that he’s one of the most destructive batsmen around.

8) Abhishek Nayar/Venugopal Rao=Abhishek Venugopal Rao: Now, we will have both of them as there names combined comes to Abhishek Venugopal Rao. I personally have no idea why we need such players but Nish as I call Nisha insisted no no I mean demanded on having a player called Abhishek Venugopal Rao Kalapatapu ( couldn’t find any players with name Kalapatapu)…. So here they are.

9) Sunny Singh: Now this guy is the lucky mascot according to the girls & we will require all the luck….so he will be drafted in our team.

10) Adam Gilchrist: Now Adam Gilchrist may be old but he will be the backup keeper in case MSD and McCullum get injured at the same time.

11) Yuvraj Singh: The man from Punjab will also make our team for his looks and attitude…( but if attitude was a criteria, we should have gone for Virat Kohli ).

12) A.B.DeVilliers: Now, this South African will also be in our team for his consistency in his good looks…..& of course his fielding.

13) Zaheer Khan: He’s really good looking according to the girls. No matter if he’s one of the best bowlers around..

14) S.K.Raina: Raina was decided to be drafted in after a lot of debate….He’s a class act but was he cute enough to make it to the team….After hours of debate he was deemed just cute enough to make it to the team.

15) Rohit Sharma: The right-hander from Mumbai will also be there….. I have no idea how the girls decided on getting him on the team.

16) R.P.Singh: The UP speedster(????) also makes the cut because of his “dimpled” smile…..really?!

17) Shaun Marsh: Now this Aussie was a late add-on as the girls had forgotten that he also plays cricket apart from being cute and injured.

Now, these players are to play on the field but like a recent ad suggested you need people “darane ke liye” the opposition….so we thought why to take a chance? So the following players make the team for “Darane ke liye”

18) Matthew Hayden: Haydos might have retired but he still sends chills down the bowler’s spine as no one matches him for size.

19) Andrew Symmonds: Need I say anything?!

20) Virender Sehwag: I don’t why….the girls wanted him in this category.

21) Jacques Kallis: Again…Need I say anything?!
And the last player of the squad is:

22) Sachin Tendulkar: Now the way he has being captaining MI, he will be our off-field captain. Whatever he decides to do we will do the exact opposite. If nothing else this will make sure that we will win.

Now moving on to the coaching staff, the following were short-listed:

1) Sourav Ganguly: The girls really dig him… so he will be hired as the batting coach and possibly as the backup fitness coach.

2) Shaun Pollock: He will be the bowling coach.

3) Glenn McGrath: He will share the bowling coach duties with Shaun Pollock.

4) Jonty Rhodes: He will be the fielding coach. The girls find him ok but according to Mark “even guys find him cute”. So Cheers, Mark, this one’s for you.

5) Rahul Dravid: This was the only selection for the team which I decided on my own. Rahul Dravid will be the head coach no matter what!

Now apart from all this we will have the following attractions:

1) Shah Rukh Khan: SRK will handle all our promotions. He will build a brand out of our team.

2) Mark Fernandes: He will in charge of handling the media. Just a word of caution to the media “Don’t piss Mark off, he will curse the shit out of you or worse pull out the chair”

3) Manan Shah: He will be the doorman cum gym instructor.

4) Santosh SaiVenkat: He will be teaching grooming to all the players so that the players represent our team in the proper way (in short, he will be teaching “how to hit on girls”).

5) Abhishek Kalapatapu: He will be the Cheerleading Coach. He will be assisted by Sreesanth.

6) Arvind Bhaskaran: He will be in charge of the finance and for screening all the press releases so that no gossip is circulated about our team. He will have many other responsibilities which I am sure he will be “distributing” among his resources.

7) Katrina Kaif: She will be the Indian face for our team.

8) Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Anniston, Drew Barymore, Emma Watson: These girls will cheer our team from the VIP box along with me….

9) Green Day: Green Day will compose our team song. And will also play in the stadium on the eve of every match featuring our team.

So what do you think?! Your feedback would be appreciated.