An Ode to LEGEN-wait for it- DARY “BARNEY STINSON”

I believe that who so ever reads this post on my blog has seen “How I met your mother” at least once in their life. If you haven’t, please take Chullu bhar paani and then do the needful.

Anyways, for people who follow HIMYM, you guys will know Barney Stinson. Awesome!! So Barney Stinson is a guy who’s SUITED UP all the time, is after every girl and is always AWESOME!! He infact has a whole playbook which lists all his tricks to bed the girls with maneuvers like “The Ted Mosby”, “The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn” and the best of them all “The Scuba Diver”. He is the scotch drinking, cigar smoking smooth talker who loves to play laser tag.

He’s one of the guys who is always ready with his opinion (unwanted most of the times), always up to a challenge (as his catch phase goes “Challenge accepted”) be it running the New York Marathon or getting laid in his overalls. He has bit of a gambling problem.

Although many people will think that Barney is without any morals but his life is governed by the “BRO CODE” and the various other rules created by him like the Lemon Law. Barney comes up with the most outlandish stories to score with women be it “I am an astronaut” or “I am a pitcher for New York Yankees”. He also has elaborate plans how to get rid of the girls the following morning.

Barney is also a great magician and his magic tricks are a sure way of getting the girls. He also speaks many languages and is very well connected. No one knows what he really does apart from the fact that he works for GNB (The most Evil Bank of the world in Marshall’s own words). He is surely the richest among all of the gang. He has an awesome video CV in which he comes up with the word “Possimpible”.

He’s a guy every guy one time or the other aspires to be. The best wingman in history and maybe Ted’s best friend. So, a day after the “SUIT UP” day, let’s try to be more AWESOME like Barney Stinson.

P.S: Here are a few of my favorite articles from the Bro Code:

ARTICLE 1:
Bros before hoes. I cannot stress this enough. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.

ARTICLE 2:
Never drink the last beer, unless you’ve been granted specific permission that it’s OK.

ARTICLE 3:
If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
A. Was an ex-girlfriend
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her
C. Is your buddy’s sister (However, if it’s your buddy’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in his face for years to come)

ARTICLE 4:
Never diss a guy whose team just lost a crushing game. Just leave it alone, it’s kinder to pick on them for a dead relative

ARTICLE 6:
If you get 2 tickets to the big game/gig/event, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
1. Your best friends (in order of how long you’ve known them)
2. Your acquaintances
3. Your co-workers
4. The mailman
5. The UPS guy
6. NASA
7. John Kerry
…
1,485,726. Your girlfriend

ARTICLE 7:
You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, we’re already too late

ARTICLE 8:
Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift

ARTICLE 12:
Standard shotgun rules are as follows:
A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car
B. Shotgun must be called outside
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride

ARTICLE 13:
NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection), even if John Legend says they just don’t care. I mean, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don’t need to wear her like a ******* trophy.

ARTICLE 14:
It’s alright to cheat at any game where money isn’t involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as “games”.

ARTICLE 16:
Never openly question another guy’s sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team.

ARTICLE 17:
When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she’s dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that’s the case, make it quick

ARTICLE 20:
Bros before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can’t stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable dicks since they’ve gone out with someone

ARTICLE 21
Bros will not be assumed to be exclusive unless each has explicitly granted the other exclusive Bro rights. If a Bro is not exclusive then a Bro may have more than one Bro. However, upon becoming exclusive, said Bro must break any Bro ties with all other Bros.

ARTICLE 26:
A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight

ARTICLE 37
If one Bro calls another Bro a douche then said naming must be confirmed by another Bro even if the third Bro is a chick. This naming only requires a “second” by any Bro and does not require a majority vote by all Bros involved.

ARTICLE 40
Love thy neigh-bro

ARTICLE 53:
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection

ARTICLE 58:
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro’s girlfriend’s birthday and / or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless whether he thinks his Bro already knows

ARTICLE 59:
One Bro makes a solo chick attack
A second Bro provides a crutch
A third Bro rounds out the pack
But a fourth Bro is one too much

ARTICLE 60:
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.

ARTICLE 62:
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.

ARTICLE 63:
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

ARTICLE 66:
If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer

ARTICLE 67:
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool

ARTICLE 68:
If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country.

ARTICLE 80:
When in a slap bet thy bro must always obey the rules of the slap bet. If caught cheating in a slap bet the selected slap bet coordinator must rule the consequences of how many more slaps must be given to thy cheater

ARTICLE 87:
A Bro shall at all times say ‘Yes’

ARTICLE 89:
A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro. Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro’s mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro’s adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative deoxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro,
ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in any related filings with the International Court of Bros. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing. If she looks good in it.
So, here the best Bro-Code Articles. Hope you guys enjoyed it.
So guys “SUIT UP!!"